a series of tubes

took a few pictures today…here ya go…

I carry with my camera with me always . . . taking pictures helps my memory. Not that’s it’s a bad memory – in fact I remember obscure facts for decades but I have nearly no personal memories, certainly none from my childhood. photos help me fill in the blanks. My family photos are all in need of restoration, because i flipped through them endlessly trying to attach memories to things i don’t remember.

I took another picture today…you don’t need to see it, I just needed to take it. Its of my mother laying in ICU sporting a respirator and far too many wires and tubes. This is what happens when your power of attorney is in the wrong hands, children. My brother, a dickless mama’s boy – is dragging this bullshit out, instead of doing the right thing and letting the woman have a little dignity.

I’m not sure what I feel when holding her non grasping hand . . . did you know they put mittens on them so that if they wake they don’t pull the intubation out? You have to take the mittens off to hold their hand – don’t worry she’s morphed to the gills.. . . I’m pissed off that no one has the balls to remove the respirator, angry that she trusted her golden child with this clearly above his paygrade decision, and sad that she wasn’t a nicer person when it counted so that I could feel some cathartic grief.

If this were one of my cats I wouldn’t have let it get this far, but we reserve humane treatment for lesser species. When I look at the image, safe at home away from the mittens, the mechanized gasps and the machine that goes ping, I just want to hurt somebody.

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