brown bread To amuse myself i made Brown Bread in the rice reason..i could have pulled out all the pots needed to do it the real way. I am just getting lazier…once i clean up my tiny kitchen i am loathe to pulling things out just to cook a bite to eat. I can understand the appeal of just microwaving something and throwing away the packaging. I just can’t afford either…and hopefully i will continue to live that way once i get paid for my half the house..

I am absolutely terrified of the money evaporating like spit on a griddle. I have asked my broker and my lawyer at least 5 times each to recommend a CPA, but they pretend they didn’t get the emails..i can only assume they don’t want to actually recommend someone and are being passive agressive about it, instead of just telling me ..go find your own guy. It is very stressful, and in my opinion not very adult. It’s not like i am a paragon of adult decision making, and i can be passive agressive myself, but these guys are ONLY MY PAYROLL, so it’s a little childish…for me to have to chase them down. I am gonna stick a pin in a yellow pages and try to find one…after i find a copy of the yellow pages.

Now, i’m okay with money, but I know i am not any damn good with MONEY, i can’t see the forest for the trees, i start paying whatever bills are in front of me, and have no idea about the big picture.  Kinda why i wanted to buy the house first, so that the big problem was taken care of and what was leftover was a smaller less daunting amount.  it would be money. Ferinstance….the closer to the Sale of the house…the day i should get a 6 figure check that will stun my bank into silence..the more broke i become.  I have a 127 internet bill that is overdue and i have 111 dollars in the bank. Of course If I was any damn  good with money, i would have predicted what i needed and made sure that amount was in the bank when the bills come due.  Unfortuntately I just paid whatever the last bill was and the one before that and hope the residual amount will get me over the hump to the next check.   I suppose i should feel guilty about it, but i can’t….i have felt guilty about being bad with money for the 1st 50 years… i hate and loathe spending time with the book keeping, when you don’t make shit, and you have to figure out a budget that makes everyone happy,…that just leaves too much red ink on the page and it makes me batshit crazy.  it is just easier to pay one bill at a time and hope for the best.

So, if Comcast gets sick of waiting for my payment and i have to sit on my fingers waiting for someone to buy something to put my account over the top…shit happens.   Now i know that shit won’t fly when it comes to having a house and its demands especially trivial things like property taxes and water bills, but that’s really what drives me to find a bookkeeper slash accountant to keep me out of mischief.  When your poor you can’t afford one and sadly that’s when you need one the most.

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