breaking it gently

i have been trying to tell people face to face, in order to control the news. I really don’t want the city hall crowd to know i am leaving, i still want to jump up and down on them a few more times.
I sent out an email to the other book professionals in my online group. It isn’t going to accomplish much except tell folks what’s going on with me and perhaps getting EG a few more readers, apparently i have SIX readers unless a couple of those are me. But everytime i tell someone I have to put the decision into words and the mere act helps me verbalize it. I swear the next person who asks me why is going to be in trouble, like quitting a bad job or leaving a bad boyfriend, the next day you wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.


I’m moving… i don’t know when…. and i have a good idea where, but what i know absolutely is after 37 years in the same location. ‘cept for a couple of lost years in the middle, i am moving.
Since I was a kid I have always known that local people who were the most happy and successful are the ones who left town.
I postulated the theory that anyone who stayed in the MV can’t hack it in the real world and hence have diminished expectations about life..
The older I got the more i came to believe that folks that don’t MOVE out of the Merrimack Valley the day after graduating high school are deliberately shoveling dirt into their own grave.

First I was going to leave when my ersatz grandmother died, after that I kept waiting until i had a better income or fewer cat rescues and it was one thing after another…
I should have left when my mother died, but by then i was hip deep in the rail trail development
and i have been getting my mental stimulation by tweaking the nose of the municipality and building something that will outlast me.

But it’s built and i can’t do anymore without running for office, and i won’t do that.
People here are more fatalistic and more complacent with their failures that other New Englanders
I hate the other politicians too much, if i am the smartest person in the room – the city has a problem.
The town is just gonna screw it up from here on out and i can’t watch. Methuen is like a bad boyfriend and I’m breaking up.

I had a moment of lucidity, when i think burning the place to the ground would be an improvement and a civic service, it’s time to get the hell out of dodge.

I hired a lawyer to communicate with my brother, cause apparently one needs a penis to get his respect
and soon i hope casa d’ godsey is going on the market.

We won’t even entertain offers that won’t allow me to leave with a fist full of money to buy a duplex someplace else, get a non breakdown ready vehicle and inject a cash influx into my business
i still have to worry about spending my dotage in cardboard box, but i can be poor anyplace i don’t have to be poor here.

All that said, it may take 4, 6 or 8 months to sell the house, i can’t see it taking as long as a year, it’s a huge commercial property downtown, developers aren’t that dumb.

I spent a few days casting around for a place to move to
and since i’m not THAT adventurous, i’m looking in the Pioneer Valley of Massachusetts
it has everything i want yet i’m still in New England.

In the last few days I have fallen in love with Greenfield.
I have never been there, cept through Google Street View. (though i have probably driven by on the highway a few times)
i don’t even have enough money to go visit it yet.

But it is everything i wanted Methuen to be:
regarding emergency response, local economic development, historical conservation, restoration of parks, and rivers and bike trails, a hundred other progressive things.
and they accomplish it with thirty thousand fewer people.
They have actual bookstores in their downtown.
In the MV, aside from one barnes and noble, there isn’t a new bookstore inside of 15 miles, and you have to go 20+ to find a used bookstore.

So, from this moment on, i am on a quest to get out of town before i die here.
that’s my biggest fear. that i will get hit by a bus before i get a chance to go someplace where i can be happy.

I had been divesting my stuff since I had to get rid of all my mothers and grandmothers stuff
i know if i died here, all my books will get sent to the dump by my brother
regardless of its value. This is also a great fear of mine.
But basically aside from books, bicycles and cats I don’t own that much anymore.
I could walk away with just that stuff and be okay.

[THOUGH I AM LOOKING FOR HOMES FOR A COUPLE OF BOOKSTORE READY CATS, I WILL DELIVER YOUR CAT UP TO 200 MILES – just email me. psst I still have laurie and bill petchs cats who need rehoming.]

Anyway, that’s what’s going on.
I have rebuilt the website to hold as many products as i want
and when the house sells and i move to a new location I will have the funds and hopefully the space to beef it up again.
So, that’s why nothing new has been added…i have already picked out all the stuff, i think you are going to like the new products.

I won’t be buying anything new for while, even my new house will be used, i never could cotton to anything built after WWII.

Advice about moving books, cats or just about anything is welcome.
I will be chronicling my new adventure at ERASERGIRL.COM
I’m moving someplace i have never been and know no one, lets see if i can get a book out of it.

thanks for all your support.
The bookseller friends i have on this list and off, are really what i have to bring with me.

See? it sounds better when i have practice at putting the words in the right order. Today I started sneaking stuff into the neighbors trash. I’m washing the living room floor and six other cleaning things…cleaning is the thing i do when i can’t figure out what else to do. But i still get off throwing stuff away. I think i should be able to get all my shelving and boxes and whatnot into 1 24′ foot rental truck. I can’t move myself even if i buy a bigger truck, my bookcases and shelves break down into a lot, but the boxes would pile too high in the pick up. So that’s my plan, get a shit load of boxes all the same size and start packing….well hell i think i started packing already.


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