Bullpen Book Description Contest – entry

The Bibliophile Bullpen Department of Silly Listings is presenting the Bullpen Book Description Contest. If the Bulwer-Lytton Contest can do it for embarrassing fiction, I say we can surely pull it off for embarrassing books descriptions.

That’s it. No other parameters.
Winners will be picked by arbitrarily by yours truly.
And you will get whatever prize I deem suitable.


Here is our first entry :

Hemingway, Ernest. The Sun Also Rises. . . New York; Bantam Books. 417th printing.
So, like, I bought this book? And I though it was about, like, organic bread making? And I needed a book about organic bread making ’cause my boyfriend dumped me, and he’s going out with my best friend’s sister now, and her dad owns the organic bakery where I usually buy my bread, except when I go on a fast, because I read this thing on the internet? And, it was like, by the yogi guy, and he was all, like, yeah, you have to fa
st and stuff and get all the bad things out of your body which is really true because I read it on the internet though I knew this guy when I was a kid who was a friend of my neighbor’s dad who went on a fast and died, though he didn’t actually die of fasting, he got hit by a bus, and it was really ironic? Because the bus was doing the Tuesday route or it wouldn’t even have been on that street, but it wasn’t Tuesday? So anyway, I can’t go to that bakery where I used to buy my bread because that bakery is owned by the dad of my best friend’s sister, who my scuzzy ex-boyfriend dumped me for, except he didn’t really dump me, I dumped him, but that’s another story. So anyway, I bought this book thinking it was about organic bread making? But it isn’t. So then my cousin told me that I could go on the internet to like this Amazon database thing and sell it for a lot of money? So somebody send me some money for this please, because, like, my phone bill is due. And anyway, there are some dirty old copies listed for like $1500 and stuff, but this one is a bargain for only $100. So will somebody buy it and send me the money please? Thanks!!! :))))))

in from Forrest Proper @ Joslin Hall Fine Books
who I am sure doesn’t go in for that sort of thing . . .
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