Archive | humor

Schrödinger’s cat is dead

Tshirt from Splitreason.com
Election recounts are a real world demonstration of the Schrödinger’s cat theory. The ballots are cast, but the result doesn’t become reality until you count them. The original machine count had a spread of 28 votes, the recount increased it to 34. Things did not go as planned for my guy. It is a very sad day for my town, the guy that won is not up to the job in the slightest. Nothing personal but i want to build and improve things, more of the same diminishing returns  is sadly the state of affairs everywhere in the country.  People have become complacent with the way things are and it’s harder than ever to claw one’s way out of the mire.

Anyway, I used that Cardstore.com again . . . i sent him the Train Wreck at Montparnasse 1895 with my own words in life . . . as a matter of fact I think i want them on my tombstone . . . if i were to have a tombstone . . .  “Whatever you do in life, do it at full throttle.”

you’d have to know him . . . . he’ll find it funny.

 

as seen on TV

okay okay…i know this was a waste of money even before i watch this really damning video..but seriously i wanted one… i wanted to play with it. Due to overexposure on daytime and midnight tv, i guess everyone else wants one too…i chalk it up to fear…all of a sudden our world is filled with people scooping up RFID information….and this little bugger is all we have to protect us. Yeah right.
well for me, it does what it says on the tin..it holds all the items i had in my wallet on the day i bought it. But there is only room for 10 ‘card’ items and nothing else. my cranky litttle leather wallet holds all these items plus as many business cards i can slide in before it fails to fold. I will most likely go back to my leather wallet. but I do like the feel of this little fucker…it is ever so close to the traditional cigarette case in tactile feel. I’m wondering what else i can use it for, post it notes, mini moleskines? business cards, sd cards, condoms? i think i will make an experiment out of it.

I don’t actually carry cash well not as a habit so i don’t have as many demands on this box as the fella in the video.

ed. I gave up and gave it away to someone who was tickled with it.

NFS


Can someone tell me WHY people keep asking me to sell my truck? don’t get me wrong, if i thought i’d get enough to buy a NEW truck…or a less old truck, I would sell in a heartbeat, but basically an old truck is an old truck.

Perhaps they think i am driving this because i choose to, not because i have to. Granted there are many benefits to driving an old red truck. 1 you are fearless no one wants to hit you or be hit by you…they will lose. 2 insurance is actually affordable, because if you get hit you will probably be totalled and after all it is an old truck, you can park in the loading zones – if you weren’t delivering something why else would you be there? and  4  a beat up pickup truck is basically the little red flyer of your childhood. You can carry anything that fits….dog houses, outhouses, logs, hogs, whatnot. Personally I treat it like a very large purse….and when I am cruising around and i see something i like on the side of the road, I sidle up and toss it in the back and examine it later. I got my best reading chair and side table that way…psst …you gotta cruise the well off neighborhoods on trash night.

Anyway, this is the third offer of truckamony I have had in the last 4 months..now if i had that many invitations for a date, i’d be happy.

sniffed out a solution

Send Later 3 extension for the Thunderbird email. Send Later does exactly what it is supposed to do, schedule emails so that they are send out at a later point in time. You have two options. It can highjack the Send button to display a send later menu on every send, or be used via buttons that need to be placed on one of the available composition toolbars.The computer has to be on and Thunderbird has to be running for it to work …damn…close but so far away…. I supposed it doesn’t really matter as long as it comes in the inbox once a day..but some days i don’t turn on the big computer just the laptop. still looking for a more automated option.

AHA! Why is it when you start looking for something you think is going to be hard to find…it ends up being right under your nose? and then you feel like a schmuck. I have a number of domains and emails with Godaddy I don’t know about anyone else but I have always been quite happy with their service..and shockingly I only become more enamored of it when I discover something else about them. Well their email client interface HAS a scheduling function, so i can schedule an email to be sent to myself from my own account whenever the hell I want. So it looks like I will be able to tackle Dickens after all. Unless something else happens that proves me wrong, again.

But first I have to finish Diary of a Nobody of Grossmith  a  classic comedic novel punch  Punch in 1888 – 89, and printed in book form in 1892. I can only read Three Men in a Boat only so many times.

okay so i lied

I don’t know if it is stress or self indulgence..both i expect, but lately my rationalization gear has been in overdrive and i have been buying whatever strikes my fancy. i am going through a crisis free patch of my life these last few weeks and i think that i can’t handle ‘down’ times. My rationalization for buying this ‘picnic’ basket is that it was A cheap, not counting the shipping…and B, once i add some straps it will fit nicely on the back of my bike like a saddle bag. Now why i can’t be satisfied with using a saddlebag i already have, as a picnic carrying container like a normal person is beyond me And so far it was the only TALL narrow picnic basket i have ever seen Technically that’s three reasons.

I have a new job, granted it is a commission job so I haven’t actually earned any money from it yet, but in my brain I have spent all that extra cash i haven’t earned many times over. I have made lists of all the things i NEED and/or want, mostly things like new underwear, new reading glasses, and a vacuum cleaner that was made after Nixon was in office. So, in my minds eye i can afford to spend a couple of bob on a picnic basket to put on the back of my bike that i won’t be able to use until late spring. I am such a schmuck sometimes.

new eyes


this is weird, i should have bought half lenses…basically everything within 24 inches is magnified..and everything outside of that range is drunken coke bottle viewing. good thing i have had some experience with that viewing. so these are spending quite a bit of time on the end of my nose…i must start practising my PEER over the top stare.

I spent the extra money on lanyards and new cases for both the new reading glasses and the sunglasses(driving glasses) i can just imagine being the person with one pair on her head and one on her nose.

well this explains a lot….



TOM WAITS
“God’s Away On Business”

I’d sell your heart to the junkman baby
For a buck, for a buck
If you’re looking for someone
To pull you out of that ditch
You’re out of luck, you’re out of luck
The ship is sinking
The ship is sinking
The ship is sinking
There’s leak, there’s leak,
In the boiler room
The poor, the lame, the blind
Who are the ones that we kept in charge?
Killers, thieves, and lawyers
God’s away, God’s away,
God’s away on Business. Business.
God’s away, God’s away,
God’s away on Business. Business.
Digging up the dead with
A shovel and a pick
It’s a job, it’s a job
Bloody moon rising with
A plague and a flood
Jain the mob, jain the mob
It’s all over, it’s all over, it’s all over
There’s a lick, there’s a lick,
In the boiler room
The poor, the lame, the blind
Who are the ones that we kept in charge?
Killers, thieves, and lawyers
God’s away, God’s away, God’s away
On Business. Business.
God’s away, God’s away,
On Business. Business.
[Instrumental Break]
Goddamn ther’s always such
A big temptation
To be good, To be good
Tere’s always free cheddar in
A mousetrap, baby
It’s a deal, it’s a deal
God’s away, God’s away, God’s away
On Business. Business.
God’s away, God’s away, God’s away
On Business. Business.
I narrow my eyes like a coin slot baby,
Let her ring, let her ring
God’s away, God’s away,
God’s away on Business.
Business…

Sunday comic

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the local coffee shop added live music rickie lee jones wanna bee to their weekend menu, considering how completely dead our downtown is, it is no wonder. Sunday night the crowd is less than Spartan. What it is drawing is folks with preteens and no ideas what to do with them. Fair enough, god knows it is a lot less costly than dumping them at the mall. Besides live music is good for em, they probably think it’s quaint.

a day in the life

9:30AM – Made a guest appearance at the Bradford Rail Trail cleanup, I could only spend an hour getting dirty and saying hi – they had a great turn out about 40 people were working. Then I headed home to clean up and stuff a cat into a carrier.

11:00AM – set up for adoptions at Petco, North Andover…came home with the same number of cats i arrived with.

4:00pm – on the way home i picked up these 4 hitchhikers from Austin TX (Cassidy, Jordan, Billy and Hercules) heading for Portland Maine…87 miles away…so i said what the hell..emptied my bank account into my gas tank and off we went…don’t ask how we didn’t get stopped with the pile of them in the bed of the truck, but we didn’t and i deposited them at the Ferry entrance in Portland a couple of hours later. Always take the opportunity to be part of someone else’s adventure I always say.

6:30pm – Seeing as how it was too late and i was too broke to do anything else i turned around and came home. I like driving..at least i used to, as i age i find i get sleepy unless i’m take close care not to.

8:30pm – on the way home, I did a little constructive vandalism and confiscated two BANDIT signs that have been annoying my neighborhood. I have seriously started getting fedup with people messing up my universe – so i now i have a new hobby. BTW this is a very entertaining write up about removing BANDIT SIGNS in your own neighborhood.

9:30pm – and all my little circus freaks were waiting for me to feed them. Vincent has taken to sitting on my lap constantly and growling at anyone else who even wants to share the chair arm…he’s quite banged up, but is due to get a complete overhaul on monday…neuter, removal of most of his teeth and cropping of his mangled ear. So he better come home doped up to the gills with the good drugs cause he’s not Mr cheerful now.

and tomorrow i get up and do it all over again..only different.

mad for angry birds


i am not sure if i like the game as much as the concept. But i shure do wish i had disposable income, i would buy all of these angry birds stuffies…they are adorable. perhaps they are meant to use in a live action angry bird game….i could easily see tossing them around the living room. i am not normally a fadish person – but how can you not like angry birds who drop egg bombs on green pigs to steal eggs?

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