Finally a feeling i recognize…dread…for a while i wasn’t feeling much of anything, nothing terribly bad has happened, i just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. The number of things i have had to keep paying for has just decimated the bank account. I’m approaching a scary balance and i still don’t have a bedroom to sleep in and the second floor isn’t insulated. The porch is nearly almost finished, though ‘finished’ means it is an empty shell – which is what i actually wanted, but as a shell it is unusable until warm weather by anyone not wearing fur. It will at the very least give me someplace to move all the living room crap, so i can spend still MORE money on adhesive flooring..at least that’s something i can put down myself.
I am casually looking around for a part time job, i have been told that Maine is not a bad place to be POOR in, i am hoping that rings true. Strangely everyone seems to be hiring, my problem is finding someplace i won’t burn a bridge, something i can do, get paid and go home. Right now Home Depot is in the running, i’d like to get some of my money back…and Uber which is a smart phone based car service branching out into Portland, if they do well in Portland as they did in other cities, that may be my best bet. No sense having that big ass truck sitting idle in the driveway, when i am 8 minutes from the airport.
It seems every day something comes up that i HAVE to buy to get on with things, this didn’t actually happen in my old life. I had lived in the Apartment for 18 years and the house for 40 so everything was just THERE…like Windows, and screens, Door knobs and locks. I just had to buy new ones for the new doors, and rekey all three doors to be the same..I went with the LEVER style..though the cheapest models…..i have that thing where you get older everyday…and my grip is fading… so far with rekeying the deadbolts, its about another $120+,. which is kinda odd, cause i never used to even have to lock my door before.
Since the Shed in the backyard is complete waste of space and the back porch wasn’t completed, i shelled out $100 (which was a discounted price) to get one of those tupperware things for the front porch. Right now it has bags of cat litter and cat food in it, a decent amount of storage for winter. It also may end up being the defacto package drop off and pickup, since there’s no damn roof on the front porch.
I try NOT to buy ‘decorative’ pieces for the house… though I did drop a bit on a few things that make me laugh. Instead of having a wall mirror greeting me every time i go into the very tiny bathroom, I spent $30 on this old Homer Winslow print of Feral Pigs on a beach in Bermuda. I think it’s charming…much better to see when I walk in the room than my puss. I did spend $35 on a good quality shaving mirror it fits the small space nicely. I felt guilty about spending that much on a mirror until i actually needed the magnifying side…i didn’t feel guilty about buying the pigs. (that ugly light fixture is going away…i have an old one from the old house to put there.)
Absurdly I went all out buying the door mat, when i could have gotten the cheap and cheerful wisk type ‘Go Away’ door mat, I opted for one of the Maine made recycled Lobster Rope mats, in theory it should outlast me and the house. I have GOT to stop shopping like that….I have been thinking ‘what do i WANT to see in the house’ and then shop for the best price, instead of thinking ‘whats the least i can spend to solve the problem.’ But aside from a couple of really important .insulation and heating related issues, i think i have covered all the MUST have items by now.
Today I got my new license plate for the truck…the Lobster plate was an extra $20…which i didn’t really NEED to spend.. but i was already shelling out $200 to reregister the freaking thing..ouch….but I just don’t think one MOVES to Maine and doesn’t get the Lobster license plate. Still to deal with will be the drivers license..i need a new mug shot for my Uber application anyway.
I’m going to try to finish insulating the second floor, but it has really broken my spirit. Even once the insulation is up there, i still need to panel it before i can use it as a bedroom. And that’s just one of the two rooms up there, if i don’t get it all insulated in the next couple of weeks, before the heating season starts..i may as well pile what’s left of my money in the driveway and set it on fire. I never got to implement ANY of my ideas for saving money on heating or energy..basically i bought a tiny house with traditional utilities, leaving me no money left over for solar panels or improvements.
Yes I can hear myself whine..i’m a whiny bitch. Never happy with my life, always dreading what’s around the corner. I just feel like such a failure, I weigh out my decisions so carefully, trying to do what will work out in the long run and I still struggle. It was very nice living this summer like I didn’t have a care in the world. Eating out from time to time, replacing broken items, being able to loan money to people who have been there for me in the past, I knew it wouldn’t last, but I had hoped I could get my life in order for it to be less poverty stricken. I guess some people just aren’t meant to have money. Sales have NOT perked up, i can’t imagine why i thought they would just because they always have before. The investment in a new website and new products seems like such an awful awful waste of money now. I will have to throw even more money at the problem buying advertising someplace. I have thousands and thousands of dollars in products just sitting here gathering dust. It’s almost laughable. As an experiment I shipped off some of the Inkredible erasers to Amazon fulfillment…i had actually sold several listing them ON Amazon’s site, but their shipping costs are nearly as high as the product, I figure i may sell a few more if that was eliminated. Knock Wood.