everything in its place

901448_10152243017380312_78322964_o My original idea was to put a bookcase ontop of this cabinet…i actually think it may have been the bottom of a hutch, unsual for it to be this small though. That was my idea, all nicely painted white, i even ordered the cabinet bin pulls to replace those gawd awful ones. Of course i can’t leave well enough alone, just a little bit i said when i pulled out the heat gun, and the little bit of paint i peeled off turned into bigger and bigger scabs until i could clearly see that the cabinet is mostly oak. I was hoping for something lesser.  To my mind a nice piece of oak should never be painted, it just isn’t.    Happilly the terrible yellow stain color one usually finds on oak furniture these days, is combined with the varnish, scraping it down will give me a white oaken cabinet.


The bookshelf that would nearly fit across the back is made of painted crappy pine, so that won’t work.  Now what do i do with it? dunno.. but BOTH voices in my head agree that i can’t cut or screw anything into it. That’s the only thing the three of us agree on. damnit. don’t need to decide now. It can wait until I get to a new location. It’s going to take me a long time to heat gun all the white latex off anyway.  It was well worth what i paid or it will be when i unpaint it.   Which in a way is better, because it wasn’t going to get painted until I move.

Having all this leisure time I have been seriously rethinking the move, it would have been so much easier if i had up and moved 3 month ago… I had a plan, i had a place, i had momentum…the momentum may be gone, the plan is still a sketch is the place in play?  I dunno anymore…still trying not to look at houses, but that’s hopeless.  I drew circles around likely parts of Maine and New Hampshire..


there’s a nice little 240 years old house in New Boston which deserves serious scrutiny.If i had the money today, i would probably buy it without much thought…it’s just too much ME to ignore.  But considering Greenfield Mass, i was moving TO someplace, it has a community that i like and would be very happy to be part of, even though i don’t know a soul there.   It would be just a smidgen of adventure without too much risk.  Just up the road in New Boston my life wouldn’t change all that much, i’d just be away from Methuen.  I would still have to figure out how to make a better living than what i have going on now.  I’d have more money put away to invest. (though the property taxes in nh are scary high)  like i said, i’d have to seriously think about it.

Who knows how long i will be here yet.  The new lawyer don’t take no shit, but i doubt he can work miracles.  He is a little weirded out about my failure with lawyers, i would be too.  But hopefully the broker who coerced him to take the case has convinced him i am not the assole in the room.  He can’t figure out why my brother won’t sign the listing paperwork,  and also why all the lies and secrecy, apparently my brother fucked up the mortgage to the point where the bank really just wants a lot of security to keep floating the note.   Oh joy.  And waiting until the 11th hour to force me to sign things i don’t understand is their solution?  How fucked up do  you have to be to need ME to shore up the finances? mingya….

Back to circling the field for me, no landing plan yet.  I cleaned out the rest of my mother’s crap in the basement, not much left now, a bit of dishes some minor christmas decorations.  What’s left down there i am taking with me in a very tiny pile.  Still a lot of crap down there that should probably find its way to the dump, every tenant seems to leave crap behind. There’s probably crap down there from the owners previous to us.  I was all about cleaning it out, but now i think i will leave it to Himself and whomever buys the place. Instead of tidying up for the seller, i’m just going to start behaving like the non entity my brother has classified me as.  I will just worry about the things i am taking with me.

A dinet set from my childhood, not in bad condition considering we left it in the house we moved from and my cousins used it for decades.  A couple of short bookcases i inherited that don’t match any other furniture at all.  A rock maple card table i have dragged from house to house though never used it for anything but wrapping presents.  A couple of hardcase Samsonite suitcases which i will probably use for moving framed photographs.  That and a box of US Navy pyrex dishes i may or may not use in the new place.  I think that’s a remarkably small amount of crap in the basement for my part…i think Himself still has boxes of cancelled checks from the 80s down there.

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