the Exotic life

hoarding I live such an exotic life…it rained yesterday….a great and wonderful warm rain, the sort that makes you stare wistful out the window and wish you had a shotgun. I wouldn’t have gone out at all yesterday, but I had told the Animal Control officer that i would trap a cat left in an empty house…(pictured) the little old lady hoarder died tuesday and the cat is being fed by the hoarding houses go..this one isn’t that bad. only one pet and a surprising lack of insect presence…hey it could be worse… I have mentioned the Hoarders tv show before and how i think it preys on the weak willed, but it does make good tv…for those who take the hint. This little old lady definitely needed an intervention…unfortunately after the cameras go away..people like this need day to day supervision to help them maintain what we consider an appropriate lifestyle. Today my job is to set the trap…but i have been on the other end of the shovel at previous houses. Then I came home and washed my living room floor…which was a bad idea since it was still fucking raining and it took all night for it to dry with the fans blowing on it.

On the whole yesterday all i really wanted to do was drive my truck into a brick wall. Summer’s over, i haven’t had a sale in a week, the census people are all mad at me because i complained about being assigned cases 50 miles from my home with a 19 year old vehicle it kind of set me up to fail. fuck em all they can do is not rehire me..and that’s nothing different in my life. meanwhile all the bill collectors are sharpening their knives. All I can managed to do is work on websites and some of the few publications I have planned for September, that and clean up after the kittens.

Just about the time i was about to curl into ball and go to sleep, I get a call from my sunofabitch brother who is apparently on vacation someplace. Number Six apartment has a bat in it….after looking for it for the last 12 hours I can only assume it is still there asleep. The twenty something single girl occupying it, has a surprisingly spartan apartment, a tiny bit messy but nothing that can’t be neatened to Apartment Life quality in about 10 minutes. She was very freaked about the bat…or even the idea of the bat, she was flipping out at every curtain flap that was NOT bat related. To be fair it is AUGUST and this years bat crop are getting lost looking for their homes, she had the window screens in what i can only describe as PRIME REAL ESTATE for bat babies. the space around the A/C was open to the air, and the screen in the kitchen wasn’t even on track. It took us about 30 years but we have managed to block every potential bat or mouse hole in every apartment..cept mine. So i knew that the bat had to have a little help getting in. Why are people always surprised? it’s a 150 year old house, on a hill looking DOWN on steeples fercrissakes? what do you think is gonna fly in your window? butterflies? long story short, she went to the boyfriends and I spent the rest of the night checking the apartment every few hours…….but alas i can’t find it. she didn’t have many places to check……

NOTE: Bats can’t crawl on smooth surfaces, they can only slide..they don’t function well in the house, they aren’t going to ‘GET YOU’ they aren’t going to get in your hair unless you are wearing a 50s girl group wig. they can only fly and swoop and hook onto rough surfaces like curtains and the back of picture frames, after you have checked all those and the window casings and such you are pretty much shit out of luck until it comes out. Unless you knock it down, it ain’t under the bed or in your drawers, or any place complicated.. as Chiroptera/bats go brown bats are pretty harmless. you really need to put your fingers in their mouth to have a problem…and their mouths are tiny remember they eat mosquitoes which are much more dangerous. Bats are rapidly approaching endangered species hood. thank you white nose syndrome and ignorant assholes who kill them with tennis rackets instead of just opening a window and letting them escape. Personally i have been using a catch/butterfly/landing net for the last 35 years. if i didn’t want the bat smashed to pieces by my family, I had to get over my fear of flying things pretty damn quick. So basically just keep your eyes on the bat, they DO NOT fly supersonic, they just gently swoop looking for the window. Open the damn window. you can try knocking it down with a bath towel and scoop it up in the towel…you will know where it is in the towel because it will be screeching, then shake the towel out the window… or just buy a damn $9 net if this is a recurrent issue.

But I digress, I was in two radically different living spaces in one day…. someone with too much stuff… though most of it was actual trash..and someone with very little stuff, and I had to come home to my hovel. As I reported before I have been trying to divest myself of all the unneeded stuff for years now…since i had to get rid of all my ersatz grandmother’s stuff AND then my mother’s stuff…neither of which were hoarders. I’m not one either… In my own opinion, I just have too much stuff, I may use my lifestyle….correction LIFE to rationalize it. I have been in this apartment/house for essentially 40 years less 4 years, and i have run a number of businesses out of here, do a LOT of fixing, repairing and construction, have a NUMBER of activities that needs STUFF, like rescuing little orange kittens, feeding, medicating and housing them until i can get them to a rescue group. By now I probably don’t have too much stuff for all that but probably not enough space. But at least i remain conscious that one day when i DO drive into a brick wall someone will have to get in here and sort it all out.


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