as you can imagine from my lack of….anything…i’m seriously depressed…. i am even depressed at the thought that i will be getting worse. Winter is coming, i will have to turn on the heat, i have no extra money to pay for it, nevermind what i already owe the gas and electric.
I am stealing coins from couch cushions to pay for pet food and gas, which is about all i buy lately. homemade soup and cereal is most of my diet. i went seriously mad this week and have been sneaking redbulls on days i have to leave the house. I need them and headache pills just to stay alert. The backfire is that combining them with my stress and i don’t sleep long either.
That aside, i spent yesterday tromping the woods looking for a friend’s dog that has gone missing. Today I did rail trail work for an event tomorrow – I pulled off illegally dumped tires and trash and carted it all off to the dump.
I still need to clear the porch for the winter, and laundry is way over due. but it’s raining and I don’t want to haul shit around in the rain. It’s hard to get motivated when anything i do just makes things worse. I CAN sell at least 10 copies of the Dorgan history book and make 90 bucks, but i need to find the money to buy them and get them here first. See how it all kinda sucks?
I did emergency evacuation training the other night for the Nuclear Power plant..i will eventually get a check for 65 bucks. I registered for another training course next weekend..UNPAID this time but like the last time i registered for it, I may have to cancel for lack of gas money, these are another way, i fool myself into thinking that i am keeping busy.
After tomorrows walking event, it should clear up enough for me to do the porch crap. Sunday we have a lot of trail maintenance on the docket. I expect my truck will be loaded for a Monday morning dump run – before i get up the Spay / Neuter clinic, they know i’m broke, so they have been tossing me gas money for the clinic. It is going to be painfully hard to work there from now on without the Vet’s dog.
I had set my mind on using the November Novel Writing Month as motivation to work on putting the CHEAPASS GUIDE TO PUBLISHING A BOOK down on paper. I still have a couple more chapters i’d like to test drive on the blog. And I will, i just need to imbibe a shit load of Caffeine to get it done. Caffeine should be added to the water like Fluoride.