postcard Yesterday was very bad for me…i was running on panic mode and having a meltdown at the same time. I have run out of places to try to pawn off the few cats in my house i don’t want to bring with me. I even offered the rescue group 10K to build on another room to the sanctuary and they turned me down. I am certain there are other rescue groups out there who would be more than happy to take my money to add a couple of my cats to their sanctuaries. When the house sells I will have more to negotiate with…money has that effect on people.

The broker my lawyer recommended came by today to see the house…he and i are on the same wavelength as far as the listing, and he pointed out a few of the things that need to be brought up to code, newer smoke detectors and the like. No biggie. I am prone to panic attacks because i know the lawyer has sent Himself a letter calling for a meeting to discuss the listing and calling for an audit of the books, for me its like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Himself doesn’t react well to things like that. I am expecting that i will have to deal with a little retaliation.

Again I had to explain to this new broker just why i am still living here, if my brother is such a dick….. if i left i couldn’t be sure i’d retain my percentage…he doesn’t need to know i can’t afford to leave…but to a man they all find it alarming that i am so broke while I own such a large property. Hopefully i have kickstarted the whole sale thing.. This new broker, shall we call him Broker3, agrees with me that getting it on the Multiple Listing sites is key to getting the best price possible. The investors for this building are going to come from Boston, not locals. I think what alarmed me about my brother sneaking around my back looking for a quick sale, is that if it’s going to a local, it won’t be for the best price.

Ask ANY middle aged woman, the only thing we fear, isn’t illness, its homelessness. Go ahead find one, ask her, i will wait….

Another thing I made sure Broker3 understood is that anyone interested in buying has to know that i will leave when i’m damn good and ready. It’s not like they are movig in, and my apartment needs a LOT of renovations. Once we accept an offer, we can negotiate my rent deduction until i find my new house in Greenfield. This I am sure my brother hasn’t give even half a thought…why should he? He HAS a home. I need to find an appropriate house and then perhaps even wait for those occupants to move themselves, and definitely make adjustments to it for my occupancy. That’s going to take what 3-4 months? amd that’s IF I find a house for sale that I like. Not that I don’t want to leave as soon as possible, but i think once i have money to throw at the problem I will feel less freaked out. Limbo is a hell of a place to dwell.

I am trying to reach out to the Solar system installer folks in Greenfield before I start looking at houses again. It seemed to freak out the salesman from the large energy company…he couldn’t give me any advice until i actually BUY a house. I guess they are only concerned with retrofitting. Next up is the Worker co-op company PV-squared. Pioneer Valley Photo Voltaic.… Still waiting to hear from them, I need some guidlines to look for…What sort of heating system works BEST with a PV system? There have to be some guidelines…i certainly don’t want to buy a house with old fashioned radiators, or have to rip out an oil furnace..unless the house is dirt cheap. and then if its dirt cheap it has a lot of other problems. Today reading up on solar i realized that ideally i should also replace all the windows and add more insulation to make the house more efficient…so this is another first year expense.

Ticking off what i call FIRST YEAR expenses such as the PV energy system, windows, insulation, carpets, screen porch (even if it has one, it needs pet screening), not to mention either an alarm system or a fence and a pitbull, and the amount of money I can spend on furniture flat pack or otherwise is dwindling. I’m kinda of terrified that i will throw all my money at the house and have very little to squirrel away in the bank. Ending up homeless could still be in the cards for me, unless I make sure i have a lot of adult supervision.

While I was in panic mode a friend of mine, told me not to worry about all the curtains and couches and what not, it will all take care of itself. But she missed the point..i LIKE doing all the finicky planning. That’s the fun part of building a house in my head. If I did have that to retreat to, I would never be able to keep the voices in my head busy. Then NEED things to chew on, to measure twice and cut once, to consider what items should be expensive and what can be cut rate… the things I REALLY need to worry about…the lawyer, the broker, the listing, the brother, all of that is crap I really can’t control…damn humans…but planning the move like it was a campaign, that’s stuff i know how to do.

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