i’m a little teapot

2014-03-19 10.15.47 I went through all the dishes and tableware this week and didn’t find much to get rid of. I have already culled these cupboards several times over the year. I find everything in there either useful or beautiful, most of them both. I did managed to freecycle some china cups i am not fond of….but then i turned around and bought another teapot…yes another…don’t go there. Using freecycle i got rid of a lot of crap, books, cases, bike racks, and so forth..well i figured i was doing great…but then i look around and its still not enough. There’s still a load of shite in the basement and in the garage and the barn and so forth.. I was talking to a friend who was kinda shocked i was still finding stuff i consider clutter…apparently i never really had that much crap to begin with….but i always felt i did, i still feel it. Possibly because i know where everything is hidden and i am still distracted at the idea of shopping for more crap. what is WRONG with me? jeebus. I keep saying i want to take nothing with me, but it’s not as easy as asshats on the internet make it out to be. Those twenty something who are constantly enumerating their stuff online…hey i can live with 100 items! I can live out of one bag sleeping on couches! I can live in a tiny house the size of an office cubicle. well fuck em. I’m a fifty two year old crazy cat lady book dealer, deal with it.

We got an offer on the house today. Not a great one…off by a piddling amount of 100 thousand dollars. See piddling? The broker thinks they will come up significantly, and we have to come down, not as significantly I hope. Though she knows I am pretty flexible. I just hope I don’t end up living in a box someplace, with a sign that says “cats for sale pets or meat.” I was excited for a few minutes, but now I’m having a stress and a bit of a panic attack… one voice is muttering and moving boxes back and forth around the room. I can’t find the other one, she’s become pretty useless. I think she’s just waiting for us to have a new house to decorate, that’s really all she wants. That’s really all I want. I’m a nester. It took me years to work up to tearing myself out by the roots, and now i can’t concentrate, i can’t get comfortable until I know I have another nest someplace. I can’t concentrate on what’s next. I have been fiddling and fiddling with new websites and new books and ideas for new products, but i just get frustrated and go clean something instead. I need a nest. that’s probably why I can’t stop myself from falling for the red house on the hill. I tried not thinking about it. I tried not decorating it in my head, I tried not building the deck, i tried not clearing the weeds and planting the garden, i tried not setting up a workroom in the basement – i failed.

I sent an email to the Maine broker to start looking at that situation. I don’t know if she thinks it’s STILL too early. I hope these guys really want the property and aren’t just fishing. But who knows…humans are so undependabe.

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