It’s not the years, it’s the mileage

2014-01-05 15.18.53 I’m still getting grief from my sister in law via text… she’s whining that the bank lawyers don’t have the legendary ‘papers’ that were fedex to the bank…now you, me and anyone else knows that envelope is sitting in the INBOX of the bank because of the holiday week, but it’s a good enough reason for them to give me crap. They are royally pissed off at me because i haven’t fired this lawyer. They REALLY don’t like the fact that i still have a lawyer. Apparently they assumed i would let the lawyer go after they signed with the broker…they don’t GET that the lawyer is to protect me from them. Humans make my brain bleed.

I have spent the entire week working on Maine books, researching as well as formatting….it was like meeting up with a bunch of old friends….years ago i had a huge collection of Maine-ania…. i had read everything i could get my hands on……when i was 12, Maine was this deep woodland playground with stony beaches….Louise Dickinson Rich’s books on the interior, were my gateway ,  Bernice Richmond’s books were about living in an old lighthouse…John Gould’s explored every side and corner of Maine. I was a little shocked at just how many books and authors I USED to own…every  book of Downeast humor, everything published by Yankee Magazine. I owned it all and then sold it all off.

I managed to find two or three things in public domain i can add to my catalog.   But going over the game plan yesterday,  I had moments thinking no one is going to buy old books in the 21st century..certainly not tourists, what kind of carpetbagger am I who thinks I can publish other people’s past? I don’t know the answer, i just know i am committed…i really don’t have any other marketable skills at this point. I CAN do this and until something else profitable comes along, i have nothing better to do with my time.

Researching the books, researching Maine, spending hours on Google Earth going down the streets of Biddeford… unlike Greenfield, Biddeford reeks of familiarity. Settled and built by French Canadians…the architecture is sadly familiar to where i live now. Causing me to recall a lot of stuff that i had hidden deep inside rusty trunks inside my brain….like recipes for french meat pies, and the patois of curse words from my mother. The less rusty trunks contain all my ex-husband’s broken promises… he had never visited Maine nor had a dog until we met, and now 20 years later, I can see on Facebook after leaving me broken and bankrupt, he moved there, remarried and has dogs. I don’t think moving to Maine then would have made a difference..he was still an asshole.

Unlike Greenfield for which i had no fore-knowledge or ties, it was new found land, someplace to explore. East Coast of Maine, will be eerily similar to where i am now…but i hope with a lot more benefits. I am making a mental list of things i want to try…I may buy a metal detector for the beach, i may buy a small motor boat, i may do a lot of things, i may write a book…unlike a lot of other places, it seems that for any one moving TO MAINE from someplace else, writing a book seems to be mandatory, I lost count of them after about fifteen….we bought a lighthouse, we bought a farm, we built a cabin in the woods, over and over… it seems retreating to Maine represents something exotic in our culture…if you submerge yourself in it and can string words together you must. Who the hell needs to read another book by someone else trying to justify escaping whatever they are escaping?

2014-01-05 16.17.31

Unlike Greenfield, I still can’t say i am MOVING TO something, right now the needle on that particular dial is still leaning towards MOVING AWAY from what i can’t stand any longer. I still haven’t found something magnetic that will draw me TO the area. It’s not the history, or the architecture…i like the sea but not in the way other people do. I did figure out what my friends were using as an indicator that this is the ‘next big place’ – the restaurants and pubs there all have excellent reviews…i think the folks who are getting priced out of the Portland market are now taking advantage of the low retail real estate market in that area. Always the 1st sign of prosperity lurking around a corner. The idea of setting up a greenhouse makes more sense…i wish i knew more about that sort of business than i do. I can grow a dooryard kitchen garden but anything more than that is out of my skillset.

I was doing laundry and staring into the dark swirling water…it was just a dark soup of L.L.Bean, and Field and Stream and Abercrombie and Fitch when they were still good. I guess i won’t have to change my wardrobe to fit in with the native Mainers…No one is going to mistake me as part of the new hipster immigration. I am having a serious urge to bring my 20 year old pickup truck, she would like it there..and fit in rather well, but i’d have to have two vehicles, and mileage is not her friend.

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