Lizard brain

2015-02-09 10.11.56 Yeah, i know….there was a time when i would have never set foot in another cubicle. And indeed, I walked into this normally soul crushing abattoir of my own free will, and within a few weeks I became addicted to the paycheck. Never fails. But the little day job, is surprisingly interesting and relaxing. For four hours a day I chase shipments that I have no vested interest in. I get paid if I find them or not. And when its time to go home, i go home. Yes, it’s part time with no benefits and less security, but it’s within walking distance…in good weather…and doesn’t aggravate the piss out of me. Nice work if you can get it.

On the other hand, I got lost up inside my head for the last week or so. And I am pissed about it. I got that terrific offer to edit a book from a regional publisher worth a damn, and what did I do? I got brain freeze and couldn’t write a fucking lick until I sat glued to my chair for eight straight hours with the space heater between my knees. I made it out to be a monstrous undertaking. I tried, threats, bribery, humiliation,i had delayed as long as possible by cleaning everything i that crossed my path, i confessed to friends i had a block and needed a kick in the ass…i put the goddamn tax bill on the front of the fridge as motivation…unopened of course…in the end I just got bored of my own shit and started typing…and i typed for eight hours. Luckily I didn’t wait until the eleventh hour, basically the ninth hour, so I still have wiggle room. Not a particularly safe position. The Eleventh hour is better, you have a definitive deadline and you work like a madman until its done. Having any wiggle at all means there’s a part of my lizard brain always trying to find reasons not to work, and ways to get around not working. And trust me the threats of losing my entire lifestyle over it is nothing, the lizard brain doesn’t care. The lizard brain knows no fear. The lizard brain is an evil shite that can only be trusted to do what is not good for me.

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