Before Christmas I started asking for the opinions of my friends, WHY THE HELL I WASN’T GETTING ANY WORK DONE? I mean nothing, I mean I spent like six weeks puttering around this place, like a burrowing animal arranging his nest so he can sleep until spring…i wasn’t writing, i wasn’t working on any off the projects i moved to Maine TO work on. Obviously I wasn’t blogging, I wasn’t even working on the house, I sort of boarded up the 2nd floor and declared it done until spring.
The consensus of opinions, including my own, after a lot of navel gazing was that I was exhausted and hadn’t realized it. So basically I spent the last few months of the year, repairing my brain and my soul. I don’t know if it’s repaired…i don’t have the DRIVE to blog or write yet…I am working on it. Essentially I think i was blogging when the voices in my brain spilled out through my fingers, but its rather calm up there these days…there’s still a little voice playing solitaire in the corner who is worried because we have spent ALL the money, yup, the bottom of the bank account is wet but that’s it. I spent it all and don’t regret one damn dime..well maybe a little. But I am NOT in the same boat i was in 12 months ago, i am not even in the same ocean. I’m in MY OWN DAMN BOAT, which I built with my two little hands. The house is in completely livable shape, though it could use a shit load of paint and paper, and paneling. I am still sleeping in the living room, and the office is cluttered like a packrats den, but its fine. It’s exactly the amount of space I need right now.
If you have been following me on Facebook, you know that I am fine. Last month, I started volunteering once a week at the Portland Gear Hub rebuilding donated bikes. Once a week for a few hours is about the right amount of time and I am the QUEEN of rust. And this week I started a part time job through a temp agency. …get this… less than a mile from the house, four hours a day I track freight shipments, no brainer right? it’s JUST interesting enough that the time flies by and NOT of any interest to me personally so I go home at 1pm and I can get my own shit done. And I am starting to work on things that have been ignored.
I am still not happy at the clutter in the office, but I am rearranging things a little every day. The basement is about 10 degrees colder than the house, so right now I only putter down there when i run the drier. I need to move a lot of the work bench stuff into the basement. But I am dragging my ass on that until warm weather. Once I move the bedroom stuff upstairs, then i will have a lot more room to organize. But alas the upstairs will take about 1500 to finish off, and that’s going to have to wait until I pay my 1st tax bill installment. Hence the part time job.
For the last few days of the year, I have been planning my garden, whatever yard I have out there is going to BE garden when i get around to it. A row of raised beds with some heirloom vegetables. There’s still a LOT of yard work to do, there are a lot of ugly shrubs taking up way too much room, and that brick patio is sitting in direct sun where the tomatoes need to be, so that will have to be moved out back to just off the porch where i COULD use a patio. that’s a lot of work just to think about it. Well no more money for hiring other people, I need to do it my own damn self. Basically i am drawing a three year plan in my head – no sense in making too much of things and then getting discouraged.
and yes I did spend it all and no i have nothing to show for it, except a tiny little house, and a really great truck in a state I have always wanted to live, and NO one is fucking with me. The cats and the chihuahua are fine…as are the two damn goldfish from the pond out back, they now have DEluxe fish tanks cause i couldn’t let them freeze to death. And I dropped a lot of money on the largest squirrel feeder you ever saw… the cats watch the squirrels out the backporch windows..and the blue jays and whomever else comes and eats my peanuts. So i have a lot more mouths to feed, I need to get a wiggle on some of these projects, because that part time job won’t feed us all.