postal blues

I am having this running fight with the post office. As you may have guessed, I do not suffer fools well and postal fools not at all. Because we live in an age were irrational fears are de rigeur, in order to use postage stamps on a package going out of the country that weighs over 13 ounces you must hand the package to a postal employee. Don’t ask me what that is trying to prevent. I am sure if you mailed 12 ounces of plastique it would still blow a good size hole in the belly of an airplane – but what do I know? I’m just trying to ship a 16 ounce package of inert book deodorizing granules to Canada.

Normally I put packages out for my postal carrier 3 or 4 times a week. If he can’t take them in his bag he comes back with the truck after he is finished this part of his route. Now, I’m not a heinous bitch despite what people say, if he forgets to come back or some other problem ensues, I shrug my shoulders because tomorrow is another day. But if my regular carrier is on vacation, which these days it seems he is at least 10 times a year – (hey, i don’t begrudge, i’d hate to have his job) I have to deal with people who aren’t particularly adept. (i’d am loathe to say stupid, but at this point stupid would be an understatement)

If the package is going out of the country using stamps (and last time i checked stamps were still valid postage, but that’s changing now isn’t it?) Handing it to a carrier meets the standard of handing it to a postal employee, and from there the carrier hands it to another guy at the loading dock. If the carrier just leaves it in a postal bin, say filled with other packages, the new guy thinks that al Qaeda has just snuck into the post office an hidden it there. He slaps a big green sticker over the address and returns it to sender the next day. (for the life of me I can’t figure out how this is supposed to make America safer) So, I get my little package back, peel off the sticker which doesn’t want to be peeled, and put it back out again with 4 other packages – hoping this day, I get a carrier with 2 working brain cells who will hand the package to someone else.

Day 2 or Day 5 depending on when you start counting, new guy carrier, picks up 4 packages and leaves the Canadian one. I call the carrier supervisor, with whom I have had this discussion before – like once a year for 5 years. Who swears he will take care of it, and that there should be no problem tomorrow. Day 3, I naïvely put the non-explosive package out again with other items and again it is treated like it is laced with anthrax. And again I call the carrier supervisor who is conveniently not available. And there it lays – with me waiting for a call back.

Sorry Gus, But I am SOO not taking your package to the post office. I am gonna make these nimrods come get it and send it on it’s merry way. If this were a private commercial organization I would bitch and moan until I got an upgrade to International Priority, but this quasi public commercial organization that kind of thing isn’t doable. They wouldn’t even know how, they are stuck within their tiny little paradigms and god forbid a ball hits the chalkline, their head practically explodes.

I miss my regular carrier, he knows if he treats me well, he gets a bottle of Jack Daniels for Xmas. You can get guys to do a lot if you offer them booze.

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