So the big day came and went and the house slipped quietly into the Multiple Listing Service with all the other properties for sale. Its like uploading another tchotchke on to ebay amid a sea of tchotchkes. Hopefully someone’s search will flag a tchotchke just the same shape and color as yours, if not then you just have to wait for someone to stumble over it, then look at all the other tchotchkes and then debate and consult and decide and then come back around to yours. Christ only knows how long this will take.
Meanwhile, i’m getting stressed again. The house going on sale for what i consider a paltry amount is what triggered the stress, my portion of the sales amount is going to be a lot smaller than i had predicted about 50K smaller. more belt tightening…what a shocker. After all is said and done, i will get less that i had expected…after i buy a vehicle and a residence, and some household effects, get the rest of my debts squared away – the residual, the nest egg, the safety cushion is a lot smaller than i feel comfortable with. The idea is to improve my living situation, not swap one desperate lifestyle for another.
What worries me is that i don’t really have the income to pay for a house. Not the way most people would…what i have are an accumulation of profitable hobbies. The goal should be to be a bit better off. Do i buy a decent house with some elbow room and new furniture and then find myself in a bind because i can’t afford to get the lawn mowed? Do i buy the wreck of a fixer upper, fill it with curbside cast offs and embrace the stereotype? crazy cat lady in the crap house?
Every job and business i have tried only takes me for so many years until it blows up in my face; a decade here and a decade there, it adds up…but it just a sine wave, crash and burn over and over, each time the water comes closer to my chin. Every year i live on less and less. Will that be what i have to look forward to, same shit different location?
The moving thing isn’t bringing me the joy i was expecting. Right now the only thing Biddeford has going for it, is that it is in Maine. And you can say that about 488 municipalities and 3 reservations. It is just seems too close to the white trash existence i have here. I have to make some contacts there, find someone to sing its praises. Right now all i am feeling is dread.
The Census called yesterday, they want me back again. This time i swore them to promise to take it easy on the 20 year old truck, no more 75-100 mile days. As it is, i may kill it doing anything for them, but i have to take a stab at it. If i stay in their good graces, there is a half a chance i can get transferred. Nothing like a portable job, to go with all my other hobby occupations.