two step

JumanjiRhino2Finally fired the lawyer today,  so not much forward momentum…just two giant steps backwards. He hadn’t replied to my last two emails or voice mails but he did reply to the email letting him go…. a passive agressive male……..never heard of such a thing!…..  It felt good for about 20 minutes….but then after the glow wore off I remembered that i am now two steps BEHIND my brother on this fucking Jumanji-like gameboard I seem to be trapped on.  I need a champion…i need a lawyer with the go for his balls desire…..and the next person who warns me that i will end up paying lawyers too much, is your basic idiot,  i’d rather pay the lawyer all the  money that my brother would have just ripped off.  the resentment over getting ripped off never goes away,  and the  resentment about paying the lawyer’s fee will go away comparatively quickly.

charleymugThe rescue group that i worked with for 10 years has basically refused to help me out with room in their sanctuary for the unadoptable casts that live with me. Three  cats that i rescued in their name and would never have had to take care of all this time, if they had just taken them to begin with.  So basically i am kinda fucked again.   I refused to move to a new home and drag along three cats who not only hate me, and aside from sleeping on cushions in my house and eating lovely canned food,  would actually rather be outside.   I have a line on a barn placement with an old guy across town, i am checking that out tomorrow.    Which basically leaves me with three extra cats i would love to find homes for.  I tried reaching out to other rescue groups i have done favors for over the last twenty years and suprisingly no one is offering to help me.   Funny if i were a stranger with x amount of cats in an apartment my size, they would be breaking down my door to place them.  But because i’m not a stranger, i’m getting the “gee i’m sorry, but good luck on your life”.  People don’t realize once i sell the house, i would actually PAY serious money to place my cats in a sanctuary.   I really don’t care about money as much as i care about avoiding guilt…if spending money alleviates guilt…sign me the fuck up.

Charlie and Sammy need homes…they used to belong to some friends of mine…she passed away and he was getting on in years so he moved back to the UK.  Of course the last thing he said was ‘I will send for them’…and he never did.  I don’t blame him, i’m sure it was costly and for all I know he could have passed away or something.  They boys have a great life here, right now, they are both parked on the end of my bed catnapping, they get plenty of food, love and clean litter…but they are shoe horned in here with a few other kitties who have similarly reasonable origin stories.  They should each be in their own home where they are special and loved.  Isn’t that all anyone wants?  Is to be in there own home and be happy?

The stinking stress of the Lawyer square dance this change partners and reverse direction bullshit..  is eating away at my brain,  there’s too much noise in my head, and no where to vent.    It has kept me doing mindless work everyday,  granted stuff that needs to be done, but i am falling behind on the more difficult brain work. I have several Greenfield books in various stages of incompletion… there are some Merrimack Valley items to be stirred into life – and some websites i need to work on..perhaps tomorrow i will be able to focus…I have a call into as yet another Lawyer… should i start just numbering them?

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