two steps back

boxes In choosing that little red house I am taking two steps back to go forward……when i started i was looking for a little house on a little house lot, something no bigger than i could handle or maintain…i was terrified of overbuying a house that would have demands on its own. And i wanted to only keep the bare essentials. I have lived with used furniture and antiques for decades, like the house, they have inadequacies and demands of their own. I wanted to start a fresh, with new sturdy furniture that wouldn’t look i got it off a curb.

As i kept looking at more and more houses, i changed all my original plans.

I started only looking at houses with 3 bedrooms, after all i needed a guest room and an office, and i wanted a decent kitchen, and maybe some acreage. my price range stayed the same yet, the houses got bigger. Not like there is a huge selection out there, but you can get big houses for very little, they are just more demanding and needy, than others. then i saw Biddeford and wanted more than a postage stamp lot. What i wanted changed with what was available.

Setting my heart on  that cottage by the river, i have kinda fucked myself. The city tax assessor database says it’s 1008 sq ft and it has 4 bedrooms and was built-in 1869… what does that say to you? yeah, it says the same thing to me…Never having seen the inside i can promise you it means, tiny rooms, tiny rooms mean well….less stuff…but even LESS stuff than i had been planning on – people who lived in tiny houses didn’t own that much stuff in 1869, and the second floor, pitched room means angled walls, i loathe angled walls. good luck hanging a photo on that. A tiny 1869 house also comes with a skinny stair case, so nothing very big is going to make it upstairs. And it will go on like that… the basement/foundation will be of stone, hopefully in the last 145 years someone will have poured cement down there…i am so NOT going to be able to store anything that isn’t absolutely needed. So we are talking food and tools.

Someone at the vet clinic asked me what my decorating STYLE was, without hesitation, i told her…I’m a bookseller… i build bookcases until i can’t fit any more. In a small house that’s going to lead to no good…like the cats if i let them sprout like topsy, i’m just going to spend my life serving their needs. I started packing boxes of books in September…it felt good to do something with that nervous energy, not only had i planned to be out of her sooner, but i planned on taking everything and sorting it out later. After all, if i cull a title, i may want to put it online for sale, which just means moving it from one bookcase to another. So there’s no reduction in volume. Now i am not sure…now i am wondering if i can cut down at least a few boxes worth of books. After all i am going to be floundering through a sea of boxes just to get from room to room. I dread what i have to do…i really do…but like rebreaking an arm to set it straight….i gotta open the boxes back up one at a time and presort…hell i didn’t even DUST some of them. I am such an asshole.

I don’t even know what to do about some stuff i want to keep. I want to keep all my DVDS, but i don’t want them occupying bookcases in the new living room. that’s just not something i want to express, but i have found keeping media boxed is just as good as not having it. That’s another hard decision i have to dwell on until i come to an answer that doesn’t horrify me.

At least all the furniture i have picked out…the flatpack tables and chairs and beds and so forth may be in play. My goal is still to move and have things delivered as i need them, then i can measure the space before i buy something. But now i am talking about putting new cheap-ish soulless furniture into a house from the 1860s…how sacriligeous is that?  Shouldn’t I at least TRY to honor the soul of the house?   Don’t get me wrong, i ain’t sleep on a vintage bed…spool beds? brass beds? any idea how much damn noise they make when you get in and out?

It will all be a muddle until i get my foot in the door.  IF i get my foot in the door, we are still racing the calendar if not the clock.  I may be wrong but i think that’s a nice house…and i don’t think it will stay on the market long,  i would like to get my dibs in before it gets there.  Which brings us full circle to getting someone to buy this monstrosity….that’s what my mother used to call it.  She was right…if not sane.

Tomorrow i start reopening the boxes and sorting with a vengeance… books i MUST keep in one box, books i am not that attached to in another.   Maybe i should draw a white line down the middle of the apartment, and just start piling the stuff i want to take on one side . God i’m such an asshole.

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